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Arsenik
16 August 2011 @ 11:58 pm

 
 
Arsenik
03 September 2007 @ 01:45 am
I fantasize about starting over, but then I'd have to think up another clever name. I am very high right now, and full of munchies. I feel regret. If I knew HTML, I'd redo this layout.

I made it home today. Feel lost without Clyde, considering we've been together 24/7 for six months. Today he went home with his friends. I'm afraid of being alone in that tiny little room in the silence. I want to be a better person.

I'm so tired.
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: City & Colour
 
 
Arsenik
16 August 2007 @ 05:44 pm
How sick in the head do you have to be to steal from homeless people!?! Clyde and I have nothing except this unweildy plastic sack. Our last ten dollars... You say your situation is desperate, but I fail to see how you are any worse off than us. Supported by the government, living in a house, eating food several times a day. I'm sure you can get some cash together. You don't have to rip off fucking homeless people with no income or house or government support
 
 
Arsenik
09 August 2007 @ 06:26 pm
Of those days. I slept like shit because it was so cold outside. The wind was blowing a gale. It's still the beginning of August and it's turning winter in Maine. Fought with Clyde over the sleeping bag all night. Rob woke us up at 6, then a spider scared him away. We slept in until noon then I had to fight C to come with me to the Salvation Army. They were serving something that was too gooey to be rice, and too chunky to be potatoes and whatever it was, it was swimming in grease. Needless to say I only ate the peas and cake. Walked down to the library to charge my phone. Clyde fell in to this existential crisis and started repeating, "I've been having these really strange thoughts lately. Like a scattered memory of a far-off dream, or a far-off dream of a distant memory. I feel like there's a separate person inside me at the bottom of a dark pool 40 Sundays ago in reverse." Stuff like that. He asked some random dude where the Oasis was. I got embarrassed and harped at him to stop and come on, but this guy actually knew what it was. A massage parlor that closed about 8 years ago. On that spot there was now a used book shop. The owner took Clyde for a tour of the rare books from the 1700s. Clyde asked him to order a hardback copy of Beelzebub's tales to his grandson. I feel uncomfortable when he gets in these moods because as his girlfriend I feel like I should be able to tell him what he wants to hear. "Is it a dream, or is this real?" Makes me uncomfortable when I can't. My social security card came in today, but I feel Streetlight wasn't being very helpful. No bus tickets, no food from the cupboard. I made C catch the Manna bus with me. They served some good food. Corn, potatoes, macaroni and cheese. I even topped it all off with a slice of key lime pie. I'm trying to be healthier, but when you're only eating one or two meals a day, it's hard to practice restraint. There's another girl who wants me to beat up Pink. I don't know if I can do it. The less money you have, the less your time is worth.
 
 
Current Location: BL Eurynome18
Current Mood: discontentpoor
Current Music: Matchbook Romance - Monsters
 
 
Arsenik
08 August 2007 @ 06:26 pm
Rob woke us up shortly after 6 am this morning. We hopped on two buses to get up to his girlfriend Vanessa's house. She wasn't there, she had gone to work. We watched movies and they slept while I read from 7 til 3pm. I started and finished Caroline Kettelwell's book "Skin Game" in one sitting. Plus I ate some of V's expensive vegetarian food. Anyway, Rob tells us we have to go in about fifteen minutes, before V comes home. She didn't know we were coming up. We walked about a mile up to the Hannaford's so the boys could get smokes, then we walked all the way back. Apparently, V had a very bad day and felt like hiding in her room, not talking to us and most importantly NOT GIVING US A RIDE HOME. Clyde and I have no sympathy for her because, shit, she works in a cushy old folks home. How bad of a day can you have at a place like that. But what should she care about the comfort of others, she's home now. She shouldn't fuck us over just because she had a bad day. Cry. Not to mention, we were both carrying heavy heavy back packs. The walk back was 2 miles long and full of hills. That walk totally negated any showering C or I had done in the past two days. And like, neither of us get to eat again until noon tomorrow. Fuck Vanessa, fuck Rob, and FUCK MAINE!
 
 
Current Location: BL Eurynome18
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Scott Joplin - Maple Leaf Rag
 
 
 
Arsenik
07 August 2007 @ 04:57 pm
So, I might as well keep writing. I should start chronicling my ascent or descent into this world of adulthood. I am at the bottom of the hole I dug after I reached the bottom and someone through down a shovel. Wow. There are no more yesterdays. Only today. There is no future. Only one tomorrow. There are things that I feel like I need to accomplish. It's not just what everyone thinks the bare essentials of a living space are. They are my own personal goals. Fuck what everyone else thinks, I have to do these things so I feel like I have a life.

I need a bicycle. There is not enough money for food. I will go hungry. There are things that I need to do alone. Will Clyde stand with me? It's my brother's 15th birthday tomorrow. Will he see a strong role model? I want my family to be proud of me. What better place to start then at the bottom?

Today Clyde and I hibernated, reading and smoking pot until 2, then we walked up and spent 15 dollars on one hot meal. The other five dollars is for my ID, no exceptions. I need a shower, and to check the mail, and to call my mother and email my grandmother. But, as always, tomorrow. I don't have the energy, these books are too interesting. My downfall is always laziness.
 
 
Current Location: BL Janus13
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: HIM - Venus Doom
 
 
Arsenik
18 February 2007 @ 07:22 pm
So this may be the last time I update. On Tuesday I'm moving to Montana with Clyde. Then over the course of two months, we'll drive to South Carolina and on to other unknown destinations. Who knows when I'll have a stable house with an internet again. Anyway, Peace out Space_Ghetto. Nevar forget!!1!
 
 
Arsenik
04 February 2007 @ 02:19 pm
On Friday night, I threw a party in a barn by some woods. Kaytee almost ruined my night when she took an extacsy pill and utterly failed to make it up to the spot under her own initiative. Perchance a friend of mine with a newly minted license showed up and we were able to drive to her dealer's house and throw her in the back seat. Finally, I was united with my half-gallon of vodka and my night could begin. Twenty or so people showed up. We sang Happy Birthday and I blew out the candles. I miss Clyde. *tear* I have no pictures from that night, I do not bring my 400+ dollar digital camera into a situation with homeless people.

This is the scarf I knitted, and specially embroidered for Clyde.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


And this is me and the decadent raspberry white chocolate ice cream cake.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
 
 
Current Music: Goldfinger - This Lonely Place
 
 
Arsenik
25 October 2006 @ 12:28 am
Please let me get to sleep tonight without crying.

I'm so afraid.
 
 
Arsenik
20 October 2006 @ 06:03 pm
Every day I spend at home is another one of those days where there are too many minutes and not enough stuff to fill those minutes. I wish I could bank all the time I spend walking up and down the hall, then around the kitchen island and back the way I came. I want to save those minutes for a sleepless night, or a busy morning. I can't decide which I want to be closer to; nature, or people. Magick, or technology. Religion or science. Ages old. I can't settle on anything.
 
 
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: Motorcycle - As the Rush Comes